Head shaking, lip smacking, gyrating, over-bearing, weave-wearing, non-supportive, nappy-headed, uneducated, baby making, materialistic, shallow, over-educated, too dependent, too independent, lazy, success driven, masculine, overweight, unattractive women who drive their men away and force themselves to be the largest race and gender of singles in the nation…

Is that me? Is that you? Is that your mother, sister, cousin or the lady in your life? Would you say that all or most of the Black women you know can be described using most of those adjectives? Well I can’t. Yet every time I browse the television or the blogosphere there is some special, some article or youtube clip declaring why Black women are single and why our men don’t want us. It’s as if this topic will not go away. Yes, I’ve touched on this somewhat before but months later it’s still news. I find it odd that in a society where hot news has a life span of no more than a week, this Black woman bashing seems to be on eternal life status. I find it to be very damaging and divisive. Both Black men and women have had a difficult time with the media but now they seem to be on a mission to pull us even further apart. They opened up the package and set “The Blame Game” on our tables. They’re peeking around the corner to see if we’ll take the bait and…of course so many of us have. Black women on this side. Black men on that side and we go at it. Let the blaming begin. Well I am sick of it.

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I wrote this blog 2 years ago. But the recent earthquake in Haiti, the recent decision to not pursue charges against Sean Bell’s murderers and recent killings of unarmed Black men by the police caused me to revisit it. It’s crazy because it’s still very relevant to this date. Although the United States and most of the world came to Haiti’s aid I still felt the same way as I did below when Katrina occurred because France & the United States have everything to do with why Haiti was in such dire straits even before the earthquake. We enter a new decade with a Black president and the same pressing issues. What are we going to do now?

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I recall being overcome with emotions as I would pass cotton fields in Alabama as I drove to school. I recall thinking of how many of my ancestors toiled that same blood stained land hundreds of years ago and how many of them hung from those very same trees I passed. It almost brought me to tears as I thought of the strange fruit Billie Holiday sang of. I’d get angry sometimes when I thought about how I may be the only one thinking this. Then I would shake it off and prepare myself for the tasks ahead of me.

I recall being completely overwhelmed with emotion in August 2005 when the levees broke in New Orleans and I saw images of helpless, forgotten Black people in pure survival mode. I saw Black people who were thrust into a position to fend for themselves as if they were animals stranded in the wild. I saw the elderly, children, men and pregnant women. I saw people. I saw them crying. I saw them trying to make it. I saw families separated. I saw them grieving for the loss of loved ones. I saw them hurting. I saw them persevering. I saw it and I wept. I saw it and I was mad as hell. I heard the media call them refugees. I wanted to fight someone. I wanted to curse somebody out. I went and volunteered at a shelter in Atlanta. That wasn’t enough. My brothers and sisters were hurting. The media and the government had to be reprimanded before they recognized them as people. Damnit Black people are people. Poor people are people. In 2008 why the hell do we still have to affirm that we are people too? We are human beings!

Amodou Diallo was a person. He was somebody’s son. He was sitting on his porch in 1999 minding his own business. He was being “obedient” when he was bombarded by the police. He went to pull out his identification and died because of it. He was met with a barrage of 41 deadly bullets. He died because he fit the profile of a Black “thug”. He was automatically a villain because he was Black. Now he is no more. Now he lives no more. He breathes no more. He is merely a historical reference to police brutality and judicial injustice in the United States of America. Sean Bell was somebody’s son. He was about to be a husband. He was a father. There is a black woman who is an unwed mother now. She is an unwed mother not because her man didn’t want to marry her. She is an unwed mother because her unarmed husband- to- be was killed by the police. Her daughter has no father not because he ran out. He was snuffed out. He was killed at the hands of the police. He will not be there to provide for his family. He will never hug his wife again. He will never play with his daughter. He’s dead. The young man, the human being is gone. He too is merely a historical reference of police brutality and judicial injustice in the United States of America.

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How many times have we as a people complained that we no longer have any good leaders? So often we proclaim that our problem is that we don’t have a modern day Martin Luther King. We don’t have a great unifier, a great non-violent mobilizer who is respected and revered by the masses. Well, I think before we make such an assumption, we need to have an accurate understanding of who Dr. King really was, who he grew to be and what he actually stood for.

History books and a Monday off in January have reduced Dr. King solely to be a man who had a dream. Yes, everyone knows that he had a dream. Most know that he wanted to see the day that his children would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. However, there are many positions he took that the media doesn’t want us to know about. They make sure to recycle the same sound bites over and over again and mold our image of him as this safe, meek, peace maker. History books will have you to believe he was viewed as an American hero. They would like for us and our children to believe that he played it safely and was met with no opposition.

It is very problematic when we allow others to define history for us. We end up only knowing what they want us to know. See, for those of us who do not know, Dr. King was a very complex man. Yes, he wrote soul-stirring speeches and he marched and fought for racial equality. However, he also championed causes that were not quite as popular. Throughout his life his views began to shift and change as often do the views

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So I’m sitting here on my bed with my laptop as usual. Except this time I’m being  pretty non-productive because I have a cold and I feel like crap. My mind is scanning from one thought to another in a matter of seconds. Then a friend hits me up on Facebook chat and I reveal a horrible, most disheartening conversation I overheard in a public restroom between a young Black female and her friend over the phone last night. Then somehow we begin talking about misogyny. Next we end up speaking on that ABC News special that reported 42% of Black women will never marry. What can you say about that statistic? It sucks right? Yeah it really does. They spoke to four Black women ranging from their late 20’s to early 30’s. All of them were attractive and accomplished. All of them were single with the desire to be married. The ladies ran down the obstacles they felt they have encountered in efforts to try to find a good Black man as a mate. They toyed with the alternative of dating outside their race. You, know the option Oprah not only endorsed but encouraged on her own show. Then the narrator Cynthia McFadden, a white woman, ran down the gloom doom statistics of the state of the Black man in America. “First she told us there are 1.8 million more Black women than Black men. Then she said if you eliminate the Black men without a high school diploma, those without a job and those who are incarcerated between the ages of 18-34 that leaves only one-half of Black men being eligible to pop the question.” From there they cut to a clip explaining the depths of sadness felt by Black women at the abundance of Black men who are imprisoned. What did I get from this special? Basically, sisters, if you are over 18 and not married you have about a snow ball’s chance in hell at finding a Black husband. If you are 30 or above you might as well join the site www.forgetaboutit.com!

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Greetings friends. Please forgive me for the extended absence. I’ve had some inquiries as to why nothing has been posted for so long. I just took a little break to spend time with family and friends down in ATL over the holiday season. I had to leave my laptop in ATL because it crashed and my Uncle Len was kind enough to offer to get it fixed for me. Gotta love family! So please bear with me for the next week or two because I’m using my dinosaur of a Dell until Lil Red returns. Anyway, I am back now and I’m wishing you all a Happy New Year! 

Now let me get on to the topic at hand. Yesterday morning on my way to work I heard on the radio that Rihanna has a book coming out this summer called “Last Girl On Earth.” You’re wondering why that’s a big deal right? Well, they said the book will consist mostly of pictures of the singer and that the retail price will be a whopping FIFTY DOLLARS. That is also the price I’ve seen online. However, you can special order it now on Amazon for $38. Ok this struck a chord with me because no book that I’ve read by Malcom, Marcus, Mandela, Huey nor any other revolutionaries or scholars cost that much. I was telling a friend of mine about this and his response to me was “Uhhh duhh. Sex sells!” Ok that may be the truth but now it’s time to insert the “Clever tangent.” While I am glad that books of more substance are priced more reader-friendly I am really frustrated at what this shows society values most. It’s like we’re telling our young girls if they are willing to take off their clothes and show their bodies they will get attention and people will pay for that. To hell with their minds. That’s exactly what they’re going to believe if we don’t teach them any better.

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First of all let me throw out this disclaimer. I am not a movie buff. You will rarely hear me utter the phrase “I can’t wait until (insert movie name) comes out Friday!” I’m usually late on seeing movies. However, I did see Precious not too long after it came out. I am part of a women’s group and some of the ladies decided they wanted to go after the meeting ended. At first I thought to myself “No way.” My plan had been to stay far, far away from that one because of its Tyler Perry affiliation. I vocalized that and I think I may have offended some people by my anti-Tyler sentiments. I mean I respect Tyler Perry as a person. I also think he has a big heart with the purest of intentions. But “Why Did I get Married” was the only T.P. production I’ve seen that I could appreciate. And if the Tyler Perry ties weren’t enough to keep me away; the negative reviews only reinforced my feelings. The critics called it stereotypical and depressing. They said all of the people who came to Precious’ aid, the “good people” were bi-racial. Then a friend of mine went to see it and didn’t have much good to say about it either. Hell no. I won’t go is what I chanted in my head as the ladies called the theater for show times. I had been ready to write what I thought about the movie but then of course I thought “Woman you can’t speak on it if you haven’t seen it” so I joined in rank and file with the crew.

So we arrive and the theater is packed. I mean packed to the point that we had to sit in the second row. I’m thinking “It just keeps getting better.” Well the movie begins with Precious’ wishes of having a light skinned boyfriend with real good hair and if you were taken aback or offended by that statement it becomes evident throughout the movie why she wished such a thing. In efforts to not give away the details I will simply say Precious lived a rough life. She was

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Ok brothers and sisters I don’t mean to shove hair down your throats much longer. That doesn’t sound very pleasant at all. But I do want to expand upon the economic issues that are part of this topic. I have had a few requests that I post my position on Black hair and I will do that when my spirit moves me to do so. But we may have to go many rounds before we can reach common ground about the emotional and psychological contexts of “Black Hair.” But one thing that cannot be denied is that it is a money pit. It’s a drain. It’s a toilet. Our hard earned dollars are being washed and flushed away at an alarming and embarrassing rate. As we take the time to make sure that the hairstyles on top of our heads are razor sharp; shouldn’t we take the time to make sure that gray matter inside our heads is on point too? Come on ladies and gentlemen. Let’s use our heads for more than style mannequins.

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Listen to this. Professor Devin Robinson, an economics professor at Oglethorpe University in Atlanta, GA will lead a one week long boycott against Non- Black Owned Beauty Supply stores this month. Robinson states, “Blacks make up 96% of the consumers of these stores, yet represent less than 5% of the retail ownership. The problem is with the distributors. Distributors are mainly Non-Blacks and they handpick who they will distribute products to. This oftentimes leaves aspiring black owners disenfranchised.” Also, as stated in my blog series, Black people spend billions of dollars annually on hair and hair care products which surpasses what we spend on tuition and medical care. That is alarming and ridiculous. If that didn’t move you then let me give you some more.

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**In 2000, approximately 36 million Blacks spent approximately $590 billion overall. However, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the revenue of Black businesses in 2002(data from the closest year available) took in only approximately $89 billion which is only 15% of that amount.

Now let’s do some comparisons:

In 2000, approximately 36 million Hispanics spent approximately $490 billion. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2002, the revenue of Hispanic businesses took in approximately $222 billion, which is 45% of that amount.

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Black people spend billions of dollars a year on hair care products. That surpasses what we spend on tuition and medical care. What do you think about that?

Tina: I’ve always thought that as a race we tend to spend money on all the wrong things such as beauty products, clothes, shoes, cars, etc. but we skimp on necessities that have long lasting value such as education, housing, and investing/saving because no one has ever taught us the value of those things. Women will spend $100 on weave every few weeks and live in public housing. That $100 could have been saved to move on to something better but so much emphasis is put on appearance in the Black community. You could be illiterate but as long as you look good, no one questions the rest. But people will question why you’re wearing Levi’s instead of True Religion jeans; not why you chose to major in Politics and not Public Administration.

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LaToya(Yahya): Well I already know that there are black women who would take money from another important utility bill in order to get their “hair did” as some people say. So I’m not surprised by that. But it truly shows how brainwashed we’ve become with our looks and in trying to “fit the mold” of a society that has told us for centuries that our natural selves will NEVER be good enough and that our natural self is not considered “civil” enough for public presentation or that our natural self does not represent the “professionalism” that goes with a certain company image. The list goes on and on and on. Those statistics say to me that we as black people still consider “fitting the mold” in this society to be of a much higher priority than educating ourselves and our youth. Many of us probably feel that without that “proper” and widely-accepted “image” an education can only get us but so far.

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Tierra: Gotta look good! I don’t pass judgment and a black woman’s hair is her crown n glory. Natural or relaxed -Get it Girl!

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For the most part do you receive positive or negative responses about your hair? If you ever get negative responses do they more often come from Black people or other races; men or women?

LaToya (YahYah): Mostly positive…the other responses that could probably be seen as negative are actually more of an ignorant inquisitiveness, I think. Example: An older European-American woman who asked me “how did they get those braids in” my hair like this. I tried to explain to her that it was MY hair that grew this way from MY scalp…but she just stood there with this lost look on her face, she just didn’t seem to get it. I couldn’t believe it, I’d never experienced a question like that before. LOL!! OR, the European-American nurse who (as a side note) asked me if “this” (while making hand gestures from my scalp to the ends of my hair) if “this” was all ME. LOL! I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit in the office, then calmly told her “yes, THIS is all me!” LOL. So I didn’t take them as totally negative responses, just weird & inquisitive. I guess.

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Tammy: I mostly receive positive responses about my hair. I haven’t gotten many negative responses, but those that I did receive have been from Black women.

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Tasha: I have mostly received positive feedback about my hair. I have worn my hair natural in the past as well. And I would usually get negative responses mostly from Black men and a few black women but mostly black men.

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Have you ever felt insecure about your hair?

Tasha: When I first went natural, I was very insecure about my hair. I really didn’t like how it looked. I felt that I looked like a boy.

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Tina: I have, in the sense that I am a bigger person and sometimes I feel like my hair could be longer and fuller to accommodate my body.

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Sugar: Yeah, but not because it’s natural. Sometimes I attempt to style my hair and it doesn’t come out like I saw it in my head. That makes me insecure.

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