Here is a side of fatherhood that often gets overlooked in the Black community. I can say from my personal experience that all the men I associate with DO take care of their children and they take their role as a father very seriously. But if you don’t believe me check out what these brothers had to say about fatherhood in their own words. Each one of these responses melted my heart and made me proud to call Black men my brothers. If you are a father feel free to leave your own comments on the topic. Also, regardless of your gender or parental status please share with us how these heartfelt words made you feel. 

Jon-Kelcy Stephens:  31

Wife: Tyrondred Stephens(2 years)

Daughter: Kelci Jade Stephens, 1year

“Why it is important for me to be a good father”It is extremely important for me to be a good father; not only a good father, but the best. Unfortunately, like most black men, I was raised by a single black mother of two. My father was there financially, only because my mother sought child support through the judicial system. I recall waiting on my father to pick my brother and myself up after he promised to come get us. I remember waiting for hours, looking out the window, counting the cars that went by, and saying, “My dad will be here in the next 10 cars.” My mom would tell us that we needed to stop getting our hopes up, and she would tell him to stop lying to us.

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In case you didn’t know Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 21st. I believe everybody knew well in advance when Mother’s Day was but some of us may need a nudge to remind us of the day designated to celebrate fatherhood. I wonder why Father’s Day doesn’t get the same amount of hype as Mother’s Day. Is it biological? Are human beings just intrinsically closer to their mothers than they are to their fathers? Or is it because far too many people don’t have a close relationship with their father because he wasn’t around and more than enough don’t even know their fathers at all? I believe the reasons vary from person to person. There are those whose father was in and out of their life. There are those who wouldn’t know their father if he walked up and shook their hand. Whatever the reason, Father’s Day has been a sore spot for many brothers and sisters. It wasn’t a happy day. It was more of a

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So I’m sitting here writing this blog on Mother’s Day. I’m thinking about all the Black mothers who will not be able to see their sons on this day of celebration. The reason they won’t see them is not because their sons are away at college. It’s not because their sons moved out of state to start a new career. It’s not because he’s out of town with his wife and children. Too many Black women will not see their sons today because their sons are dead. Black mothers are grieving on this day and all year round because they lost their sons to the hands of another Black man. No hugs will be given. No flowers, no cards, no dinner, no jewelry, no “Mama I love you” will be heard. What they will have is a R.I.P t-shirt though. I mean they carried a child for nine months, nurtured him, raised him and sent him out into the world only for his life to be violently taken away for the most frivolous reason. What do they have to show for all their love & efforts? A damn t-shirt.

I met a brother who owned a print company. They print flyers and t-shirts. He told me two-thirds of his t-shirt sales are from bereavement shirts. It has become a part of our culture. Murder has become accepted and even expected in our communities. Death is celebrated and not in the way of our ancestors. I recall when I was in high school a friend of mine who had already survived a gunshot told me that if he dies all he wants is his t-shirt. He was 18 and I was only 17 at the time but I was speechless. Is this all that the life of a Black male amounts to? Is this what a Black woman is supposed to be content with after her son’s life is taken? They say there is no pain like the pain of a parent losing a child. Yet in many of our communities it is now commonplace. It seems that a young Black male may actually stand a better chance in Iraq than he does in his own neighborhood. I don’t know about you but my heart is heavy and I am mad.

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Ray Charles sang “Child support. Alimony. She’s eating steak. I’m eating bologna.” He lamented about the woes of having to pay up to an ex. He’s making the money and she’s taking the money.

Mos Def ran down several scenarios of what Beef really is. He said Beef is when a gold digger has your seed in her with one hand out saying pay me ni$$a…Damn.

On the flip side, if you’re alive you’ve surely heard of the numerous Black men as dead beat dads. At least one of your sisters, cousins or girlfriends has a child with a man who is not involved in the child’s life and/or not paying child support.

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