Dear Cleverspeaks.com readers my husband and I got married earlier this year. When we were dating and engaged we always did the holidays
separately. Most of my family lives here in the same city as us. His family lives in Texas. Now that we are married he says we should spend the holidays together. He made the point of what’s going to happen when we have children. I always knew this was going to be an issue. We spent Thanksgiving here with my family and he wants to go all the way to Texas for Christmas. I don’t want to. I want to spend Christmas with my family. I’ve been coming up with all kinds of excuses why we should stay or why he could go alone. I have always spent the holidays with my family even in my past relationships. I’ve invited people to come with me but I have never missed our big holiday gatherings. I have nothing at all against my husband’s family but I want to be with my family. I want to see my relatives who are coming in from out of town. I know he really wants to see his family too. Am I wrong for not wanting to go with him? How do other couples deal with this issue?
I’ll Be Home For the Holidays?
December 3rd, 2009 Ask Clever Thursdays Letter
8 Responses to “I’ll Be Home For the Holidays?”
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Girl No Disrespect but You sound crazy. Don’t go messing up your newlywed time making an issue of the holidays when you already spent Thanksgiving w/ your family . Each year you all, with compromise- not selfishness, should decide and switch off with whom you’ll spend the time because once you have children everyone will be jockeying to come to YOUR home for the holidays. Play Fair and remember this is the Season of Giving…
why don’t you split it up?
One year you stay in town with your family, and the next year, go to Texas.
If not, you can split the holidays: go to visit one set of families for Xmas and the other set for New Year’s.
There are so many ways to work this out. No need to make it an issue. This however, should have been nipped in the bud before you guys got married
Yeah this is a non-issue. Almost every married couple deals with this dilemma. It’s called compromise. Get in where you fit in. When you get married the family dynamic changes because you’ve just created another family that will come first. So what you did when you were single and ready to mingle isn’t the same anymore its all about what you will do as a unit. Get your mind right. Marriage ain’t for punks.
@Dantresomi & Sensai — I love you guys!
I totally understand your frustration, I’ve been married for six years dated my husband for seven yeares before we got married. We have run into the same issue. The best suggestion is for you’ll to rotate, it would only be right.
hi clever, congrats on the new marriage! Marriage is all about compromising. My husband and I have had the same problem. Making the trips as equal as possible would be my advice. I know how close family members can be, but your hubby comes first. He is the head of your household, but should be compromising as well.
Great comments everyone. I have thought about what this issue must be like for couples. I think you guys pretty much covered it for her. Compromise is the key!
Howver, I am not married. Nowhere near it as a matter of fact. The “Ask Clever Thursday” letters come from emails I receive from my readers and as usual you all give great advice.
@Wisedime Thanks for the congratulations anyway sis.
There is a spirit of selfishness that will surely spill over in other parts of your marriage if it is not addressed right away. It would have been nice if you could have offered to spend a day or two with your family and then fly out to texas and close out the holiday season with your spouses family. Maybe its not too late to offer that as a suggestion.