Freedom vs Commitment: Torn Between the Two
There are quite a few people, conversations and life experiences that led me to this blog but I will focus on the most recent. Earlier this year I posted a status on Facebook exclaiming that I had removed the batteries from my biological clock. Different people interpreted that statement in very different ways. What did I really mean by it? Well, it was an assertion that society was not going to dictate my womb’s timetable. As a 31 year old single Black woman I get my fair share of “Why don’t you have any kids? What are you waiting on?” Then there’s my favorite “You don’t have much time left.” Ouch! No, actually those comments don’t penetrate beyond annoyance. But here lies the actual problem with the frikken biological clock. Around 28 my desire to be a wife and mother had begun to dwindle. By the time I turned 30 I was comfortable with stating that I am enjoying being single and I do not want children right now. Yeah I said it. I took those batteries out and I became the master of my own overly discussed biological clock. From 28 to 30 years old I was high off being a single lady and nobody could get me to believe anything was better. But now in my 31st year there seems to be an internal battle ensuing and hence a new controversial Facebook status…
Last week I posted on Facebook that I think I just may be ready to put the batteries back into the darn clock. Again, people interpreted this to mean a variety of things. It sparked quite a few phone calls and texts from family and friends. So then I began to think “Whoooa. Slow down everybody.” Nothing is about to occur tomorrow. To me this simply meant that I
about male privilege and gender roles and how they affect the Black community. I notice a common sentiment that is brought up by quite a few of the brothers in these two conversations. For one, when attempting to make people aware of the concept of male privilege I was labeled as a feminist. All I did was ask a question. I never stated a position. When speaking on gender roles and expectations I got quite a few “Why should I have to pay for a date when you women decided you wanted to be equal?” There seems to be a feeling that women need to choose between equality and chivalry and I personally disagree with that.
GUEST BLOGGER: Dan Tres Omi
Last night I watched Tavis Smiley’s “We Count: The Black Agenda is the American Agenda” on CSPAN2 and I can say I was not impressed. First of all I can tell you that I could have predicted the outcome before even watching. There was the usual “esteemed” panel. There were some valid points raised. There was an abundance of that good old fiery rhetoric which seems to be par for the course for a Tavis Smiley production. The only difference this time was a significant portion of the over 4 hour long program was spent doing some serious Barack Obama bashing. It was damn near amazing. A question or issue would be posed and Tavis Smiley would interject with the statement “If Barrack Obama were here right now he would say ___________” and the majority of the panelists would respond to why Obama’s predicted response would be incorrect. Again, it was amazing how long this went on. Now before I go any further let me state this. While I do take issue with the fact that so many Black people, particularly Black men were publicly disparaging Obama on television; that is not my biggest grievance. I would like to note that when I went to Tavis’ State of Black America in 2005 the panel did not critique George Bush so harshly. The forum was not dedicated to what George Bush was not doing. His actions were addressed but they were not scrutinized. I think the panelists and anyone who believes Barack Obama or any modern day president will wave a magic legislative wand and instantaneously cure the ills of the Black and the poor are sadly disillusioned which leads to my true grievance. I have made it clear that my stance on politics is that a politician is just that-a politician and most of his or her moves I feel will indeed be-political. But I cannot overlook the fact that I feel the “Black Agenda” panel did Black Americans a big disservice.
Ok I tend to be a little all over the place with my thoughts. I had three topics in mind. I felt that I had to address two of them right away because their shelf life was about to expire in blogosphere time. You get a good seven days after the issue arises and then the topic is no longer relevant. The other is not related to women but it’s Women’s History month so I have to stick with that theme right? Well I have to go where my heart leads me and it led me to this.
Head shaking, lip smacking, gyrating, over-bearing, weave-wearing, non-supportive, nappy-headed, uneducated, baby making, materialistic, shallow, over-educated, too dependent, too independent, lazy, success driven, masculine, overweight, unattractive women who drive their men away and force themselves to be the largest race and gender of singles in the nation…
I wrote this blog 2 years ago. But the recent earthquake in Haiti, the recent decision to not pursue charges against Sean Bell’s murderers and recent killings of unarmed Black men by the police caused me to revisit it. It’s crazy because it’s still very relevant to this date. Although the United States and most of the world came to Haiti’s aid I still felt the same way as I did below when Katrina occurred because France & the United States have everything to do with why Haiti was in such dire straits even before the earthquake. We enter a new decade with a Black president and the same pressing issues. What are we going to do now?
I recall being overcome with emotions as I would pass cotton fields in Alabama as I drove to school. I recall thinking of how many of my ancestors toiled that same blood stained land hundreds of years ago and how many of them hung from those very same trees I passed. It almost brought me to tears as I thought of the strange fruit Billie Holiday sang of. I’d get angry sometimes when I thought about how I may be the only one thinking this. Then I would shake it off and prepare myself for the tasks ahead of me.
children, men and pregnant women. I saw people. I saw them crying. I saw them trying to make it. I saw families separated. I saw them grieving for the loss of loved ones. I saw them hurting. I saw them persevering. I saw it and I wept. I saw it and I was mad as hell. I heard the media call them refugees. I wanted to fight someone. I wanted to curse somebody out. I went and volunteered at a shelter in Atlanta. That wasn’t enough. My brothers and sisters were hurting. The media and the government had to be reprimanded before they recognized them as people. Damnit Black people are people. Poor people are people. In 2008 why the hell do we still have to affirm that we are people too? We are human beings!
because of it. He was met with a barrage of 41 deadly bullets. He died because he fit the profile of a Black “thug”. He was automatically a villain because he was Black. Now he is no more. Now he lives no more. He breathes no more. He is merely a historical reference to police brutality and judicial injustice in the United States of America. Sean Bell was somebody’s son. He was about to be a husband. He was a father. There is a black woman who is an unwed mother now. She is an unwed mother not because her man didn’t want to marry her. She is an unwed mother because her unarmed husband- to- be was killed by the police. Her daughter has no father not because he ran out. He was snuffed out. He was killed at the hands of the police. He will not be there to provide for his family. He will never hug his wife again. He will never play with his daughter. He’s dead. The young man, the human being is gone. He too is merely a historical reference of police brutality and judicial injustice in the United States of America.
How many times have we as a people complained that we no longer have any good leaders? So often we proclaim that our problem is that we don’t have a modern day Martin Luther King. We don’t have a great unifier, a great non-violent mobilizer who is respected and revered by the masses. Well, I think before we make such an assumption, we need to have an accurate understanding of who Dr. King really was, who he grew to be and what he actually stood for.
pretty non-productive because I have a cold and I feel like crap. My mind is scanning from one thought to another in a matter of seconds. Then a friend hits me up on Facebook chat and I reveal a horrible, most disheartening conversation I overheard in a public restroom between a young Black female and her friend over the phone last night. Then somehow we begin talking about misogyny. Next we end up speaking on that ABC News special that reported 42% of Black women will never marry. What can you say about that statistic? It sucks right? Yeah it really does. They spoke to four Black women ranging from their late 20’s to early 30’s. All of them were attractive and accomplished. All of them were single with the desire to be married. The ladies ran down the obstacles they felt they have encountered in efforts to try to find a good Black man as a mate. They toyed with the alternative of dating outside their race. You, know the option Oprah not only endorsed but encouraged on her own show. Then the narrator Cynthia McFadden, a white woman, ran down the gloom doom statistics of the state of the Black man in America. “First she told us there are 1.8 million more Black women than Black men. Then she said if you eliminate the Black men without a high school diploma, those without a job and those who are incarcerated between the ages of 18-34 that leaves only one-half of Black men being eligible to pop the question.” From there they cut to a clip explaining the depths of sadness felt by Black women at the abundance of Black men who are imprisoned. What did I get from this special? Basically, sisters, if you are over 18 and not married you have about a snow ball’s chance in hell at finding a Black husband. If you are 30 or above you might as well join the site 
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